fuck you gender binary
My partner and I are both genderqueer are there terms of endearment we can use that are gender neutral?
Anonymous

There are tons. Sweetie, hon, dear, darling, cutie, boo, beloved, destroyer of worlds… or maybe that last one is just me?

Again, though, it’s really about what you and your partner are most comfortable with. Even those terms of endearment which are stereotypically gendered don’t have to be - I’ve been known to say “hey, beautiful” to my husband, and he seems to find it very complimentary. And here in Scotland, a lot of women use “love” the same way people in South USA use “hon”. But your partner might not be comfortable with that - or they might get a kick out of being called both “handsome” and “babe”. 

Personally, I think the best terms of endearment are pet names you come up with yourself. (I have to confess that my husband and I both call each other Monsta. Rawwwwr.) So maybe that’s a solution for you?

Hi there! I identify as a lesbian girl and I've never had problems with my assigned sex and sexual orientation. I'm getting more and more interested in reading information and raising awareness about non-binary minorities but I have some doubts. The 'girl' I love is starting to reject the gender binary - would it be disrespectful if I still identified as gay? Like I wanted to consider her a female when she doesn't think she is? I'm just wondering if another term suits my sexual orientation best?

This is both a tough question and really easy at the same time. The TLDR version is: talk to them, see what their feelings are on it, and see if you can come to a solution you’re both happy with. Maybe you won’t even need to change anything. Maybe it will turn out to be a huge deal. But that should be a result of what’s between you and them, not pressures from tumblr social justice activist types, y’know?

The long version:

I have certainly known of genderqueer and trans people who have been very hurt by partners refusing to identify their sexuality as something compatible with dating a person of that gender identity. A lot of people I know who I would have called “bisexual” identify themselves as “pansexual” instead, for pretty much this reason, and that is great. But in my own opinion and experience, labelling sexuality is something that’s pretty personal and flexible. For example, I’ve read a few very touching stories from women who were totally straight, except that the love of their life turned out to be a woman. The only woman they were ever attracted to. Should they change what they call themselves at that point? Are you bi if you are attracted to men your whole life and then ONE woman, who you marry? Eh, I’m not going to dictate. Up to them.

Similarly, I’m bisexual, and have had a couple of people say in a hinting, condescending tone - “Don’t you mean pan?” Nope. I’m bi, cheers. That doesn’t mean I’m transphobic, any more than straight people are automatically homophobic. It doesn’t even mean that everyone I’ve ever or would ever be interested in is cis! I’ve had a bit of a flirtation with a trans man - who is definitely a man. Wouldn’t it be a bit offensive if I said to him, “well, I think I’ll identify as pansexual now, because you’re not really exactly female or male, and I need to reflect that in how I identify myself?” No, I’m not going to do that. I know my own sexuality best. You know your own sexuality best.

What I’m saying is, I guess, it is great that you are concerned and questioning. But don’t feel that you need to change the way you identify yourself just because of general social pressure, or random people who think you’re not being respectful enough. Especially tumblr people. We have a tendency to disappear up our own arses, let’s be honest.

The best thing to do is really to talk it out with your partner and see how they feel about it, because yeah, there is certainly the potential for it to be iffy. But there’s also the potential for it to not be a big deal at all, and it’s your partner’s opinion and feelings that determine that. They’re the person who will best be able to tell you whether you’re disrespecting them! If you talk it over and they don’t really give a damn, great. If you talk it over and they feel like you calling yourself “gay” is defining them as exclusively female, it sounds like that’s something you’re open to working out with them.

jessicavalenti:

Oh hell no. Find out more about this awful victim-blaming ad and what you can do to get it pulled here.

jessicavalenti:

Oh hell no. Find out more about this awful victim-blaming ad and what you can do to get it pulled here.

ad-busting:

Open your eyes and you’ll see subtle (and not-so-subtle) images of violence in a lot of advertisements and fashion shoots. America’s Next Top Model even did a “crime scene victims” photo shoot, which is pretty horrific.

Fuck. I’d never really noticed this before.

ad-busting:

Open your eyes and you’ll see subtle (and not-so-subtle) images of violence in a lot of advertisements and fashion shoots. America’s Next Top Model even did a “crime scene victims” photo shoot, which is pretty horrific.

Fuck. I’d never really noticed this before.

Spot the transphobia and gender essentialism!
(The homophobia is obvious.)

Spot the transphobia and gender essentialism!

(The homophobia is obvious.)

At least we’re not quite this bad any more. Most of the time.

At least we’re not quite this bad any more. Most of the time.


This is a painting I did for my little cousin who will soon be going through a bone marrow transplant. I hope that every time she looks at it she will feel brave and strong.

Qavah the Brave by ~Wes-Talbott

I love it. The world need more pictures (and cousins) like this! 

This is a painting I did for my little cousin who will soon be going through a bone marrow transplant. I hope that every time she looks at it she will feel brave and strong.

Qavah the Brave by ~Wes-Talbott

I love it. The world need more pictures (and cousins) like this!